My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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