I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
