I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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