I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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