he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
