Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
