Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
