The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I party with great urgency now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
