Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
