I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
