Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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