I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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