i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
