shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
