I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
