Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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