I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
