I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize