so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
