I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize