therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
