If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
