dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
