i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What a dumb baby whore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
