he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
