I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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