so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
