it hurts more in the daytime
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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