I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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