it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
