My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
