Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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