Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
