i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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