Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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