Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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