i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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