I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
