Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
