Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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