My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
