Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
