i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
