Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
