No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize