Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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