she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
