So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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