and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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