I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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