Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
