my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
