That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
