Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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