I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
