I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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