i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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