I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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