You work out of a Hotel?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
