I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
