this just has baby written all over it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
