I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
