my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she pinky promised me she was 18
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
